Why IADD Exists
Every identity should be authentically honored as a person nears death and is cared for after death, and everyone deserves identity-affirming and identity-educated professionals to serve them and their families at such a difficult time.
Yet LGBTQ+ and some Religious, Secular, and Spiritual identities often question how (and if) their identity will be honored at the end of their life and after their death.
How our identities inform our deathcare decisions is deeply personal, and standard planning doesn’t always explore everything that may matter.
The Identity Affirming Deathcare Directives workbook is a free resource designed to complement other advance-planning and wish-recording tools by helping people reflect on and document how identity may inform their deathcare decisions. It was developed with particular attention to LGBTQ+ people and people across diverse Religious, Secular, and Spiritual Identities (RSSI), whose experiences and concerns may not always be addressed in conventional planning resources.
Thoughtful planning gives us an opportunity to identify the people we trust with our care and the care of our loved ones after we die, communicate what matters to us, ask providers important questions, and document the details that help others honor us authentically.
“Tee, thank you for sharing the booklet with me… I had read it and found it very informative and helpful and made some suggestions that previously, I may not have thought of.”
Why this matters.
They sat by their loved one’s hospital bed, saying a final goodbye. A chaplain kept coming in, using religious language, despite their requests to be left alone. They asked for a Humanist Chaplain but were told “we don’t know what Humanist is but the hospital clergy serves everyone”.
In a blur of grief, he walked in to talk to the funeral director about celebrating the life of his husband. He was told they had to “tone down the gay” to have the service there.
What if you could have a story more like this:
The couple sat with their funeral pre-planning advisor to make plans for their future. They asked about natural burial and Wiccan funeral options. The Advisor said, “Absolutely. Tell me what being Wiccan means to each of you and what traditions or practices you would want reflected in your arrangements. Then we can explore the options available to support those wishes…”
Will your providers know and respect your identity? Will your loved ones know what you want and be able to honor your wishes?
You deserve estate planning professionals, hospice and healthcare providers, funeral and cemetery professionals, doulas, and others involved in end-of-life and deathcare who understand the ways identity may inform your needs and wishes and can provide professional, affirming, welcoming, and informative service to you and your loved ones.
Planning ahead is one of the strongest tools you have for communicating your wishes and helping the people and professionals who will care for you understand what matters.
Todd’s Story
I want to share with you a very clear example of how planning – or not planning – can have an impact on loved ones after a loss:
IADD is a living document.
We’re currently developing the third edition of the workbook and welcome suggestions, questions, and feedback that can help IADD continue to grow. We invite you to contact us.
How IADD was developed
IADD grew from lived experiences, conversations with community members, and professional experience in deathcare and end-of-life planning. The resource has continued to evolve through feedback, professional review, and collaboration with people who bring different identities, perspectives, and areas of expertise. Each edition builds on what we continue to learn from the people and professionals who use it.
The first edition was published in 2022 with the 2nd edition released in 2024. The next update is planned for 2027.
