The IADD is a free resource is for everyone
to plan ahead for identity-affirming deathcare
and
deathcare industry professionals
to provide affirming resources to their clients.
Every identity should be authentically honored as a person nears death and is cared for after death, and everyone deserves identity-affirming and identity-educated professionals to serve them and their families at such a difficult time.
Yet LGBTQIA+ and some Religious, Secular, and Spiritual identities often question how (and if) their identity will be honored at the end of their life and after their death.
How your identity/ies inform(s) your deathcare decisions is very personal.
Planning ahead is important to help you find identity-affirming providers and ensure your family knows your wishes.
The Identity Affirming Deathcare Directives (c) workbook is a free resource for all LGBTQIA+ people and Religious, Secular, and Spiritual Identities (RSSI) to reflect on and record how their identity informs their deathcare decisions.
There are a lot of great planning resources & wish recording tools out there. This is a complement to those guides – it focuses on how our LGBTQIA+ identity and RSSI (Religious, Secular, and Spiritual identity) inform our deathcare decisions.
“Tee, thank you for sharing the booklet with me… I had read it and found it very informative and helpful and made some suggestions that previously, I may not have thought of.”
“I met with a family today, whose child passed away at age 30, due to a car accident. She, (formerly he) has been in the process of transitioning. I believe the booklet helped me to help the family feel more comfortable.”
Why Identity-Affirming Planning Resources?
They sat by their loved one’s hospital bed, saying a final goodbye. A chaplain kept coming in the room and asking to pray with them. They were frustrated and annoyed, and no matter how many times they said “no thank you”, the religious people kept coming back. They asked for a Humanist Chaplain but were told “we don’t know what Humanist is but the hospital clergy serves everyone”. The grief of their loved one dying next to them was now compounded by a resurgence of the trauma of their estrangement from loved ones because of leaving the family religion.
In a blur of grief, he walked in to talk to the funeral director about celebrating the life of his husband. He was told they had to “tone down the gay” to have the service there.
What if you could have a story more like this:
The couple sat with thier funeral pre-planning advisor to make plans for their future. They asked about natural burial and Wiccan funeral options. The Advisor said, “When planning for the Summerland transition, we have plans that include to natural burial sites such as (cites closest locations). Here at the funeral home we can arrange features like a labyrinth and natural décor for the service in our venue, where trained professionals can be there to support your loved ones and your Priestess. When preparing the body, we have protocols for natural care and several natural casket options. Tell me what is important to you so we can look at options that are meaningful for you and your loved ones…”
A couple wanted to pre-plan with a funeral home but weren’t sure how they would be treated. They didn’t want to have the stress of coming out on top of the stress of talking about death and dying. They contacted their local Pride Chamber for recommendations and were connected to an affirming pre-planning advisor they felt comfortable speaking with.
Will your providers know and respect your identity? Will your loved ones know what you want and be able to honor your wishes?
It is important that your estate planning, hospice and hospital, funeral and cemetery, doulas, and other deathcare providers understand your identity-related concerns and can provide professional, affirming, welcoming, and informative service to you and your family.
The best way to ensure identity-affirming deathcare is to pre-plan it; make sure your wishes are written down and you find providers that have the knowledge and openness to honor YOU.
We are happy to provide advocacy to help you find affirming providers or address concerns as you approach providers.
Legal disclaimer
The information in this workbook, as well as on this website, does not, and is not intended, to constitute legal advice. This workbook and related website are for informational and educational purposes. Readers should contact their attorney to obtain legal advice regarding any questions about the content. Use of the workbook or site does not create an attorney-client relationship. An attorney-client relationship is established only through the execution of an engagement agreement with the attorney.
The information on this site and in the workbook is for general and educational purposes only. The authors assume no responsibility for errors or omissions in the content. No guarantee is made of completeness, accuracy, or timeliness. The authors will not be held responsible for any decision made or action taken or not taken in reliance on the information given. The authors do not intend this workbook and related site to provide legal, accounting, tax, or other professional advice or services. It should not be used as a substitute for consultation with appropriate professionals. In no event shall the authors be liable for special, incidental, direct, or consequential damages arising out of or in connection with access or use or inability to access this workbook or related website.